Does sanity exist?

I feel like I'm being pulled from every direction. Ever feel like that? I wish my husband was my "go to man" rather than a puller.

If I played the lottery, and won...the first thing I would do is hire a nanny. I would love someone to clean my floors, keep the kids rooms up and the laundry, and always cook our meals. Those things fly by the wayside. I don't hate to cook, but I do hate the thought of making a huge mess, for the kids to inhale, feed the pets, or shove around their plates and complain about.

If I had a nanny, I could do more fun stuff with the kids, instead of all the 'dirty work'. It's no fair!!! I don't have a happy light burning bright, for all the world to see. I have both ends burning and I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and even depressed....and all I want to do is QUIT. I'm so sick of myself.

Who is this gross, deprived woman with all these issues? I used to be something besides the crazy woman who's kids are loud & wild & obnoxious, who is always late & frazzled. I had substance and a heart! I cared, enjoyed, dreamed....lately all I do is try to make it through and then cry because my life is flying by unlived.

The next thing I'd do if I won the lotto would be a vacation. I have ideas of tropical paradise...or brisk, salty breezes of the New England states....or anywhere beautiful and tranquil. I need rest for my soul.

What would you do if you had the money???

What is sanity, and how do you grab ahold of it?

Where do you find rest?




Lora